Phoenix House > Family Support > Intervening With a Parent
 
We know how hard it is to have a normal life when you're worried about your mom or dad drinking too much or using drugs. You probably feel scared and alone and worried about your family. There may be arguments. Your parents might not even remember what they said or did when they were drunk or high. The rules are always changing — TV's o.k. one night, not o.k. the next. You may be ashamed to have friends over. And you probably feel guilty.

Well, don't. You are not alone. In fact, one in four kids has a parent who drinks too much or uses drugs. You probably know other kids with the same problem — you just don't realize it because it's so hard to talk about.

 Try to remember:
  • Your parent's drinking or drug use is not your fault.
  • Your parents still love you, even if the alcohol or drugs make them unable to show it.
  • No matter how much you love them or how angry you fell, you cannot make them stop.
Is your parent drinking too much or using drugs?
The answer is simple — if someone else's drinking or drug use is causing problems for your family then it's too much. Drinking too much or using drugs is a disease. And it's a disease that can be treated. To learn more about addiction, click here. If you're still not sure whether your mom or dad has a problem with alcohol or drugs, try taking our online quiz.

What can I do to help my mom or dad stop drinking or using drugs?
There is nothing you can do to make your parent stop drinking or using. Your mom or dad needs to get help from a professional — someone who specializes in helping people to recover from addiction. What you can do is talk to an adult or someone you trust who can support you, and maybe help get your mom or dad the help they need.

Even if your parent refuses to get help, you can get help for yourself. Here are some tips:

1. Make an Emergency Plan. If your mom or dad has a problem with drugs or alcohol, you should have your own personal emergency plan. If you think about this ahead of time, you'll be ready if you find yourself in a difficult or potentially dangerous situation.
  • Learn how to call 911, the police, fire department, ambulance service, and doctor. Make sure your brothers and sisters know too.
  • Always have extra money for a phone call, in case it's too dangerous to drive home with your mom or dad.
  • Make a list of safe places to call for help or to stay. Maybe a grandparent, older sibling, aunt, uncle, neighbor, or friend. Memorize their phone numbers, and call them if it looks like the situation in your own home might get out of control.
2. Talk about it. A lot of kids find that talking about what is happening makes them feel better. If you don't feel comfortable talking to other family members or friends, you could try a teacher, guidance counselor, therapist, or spiritual leader. You can also find out more about Alateen, a support group for teenagers affected by someone else's drinking or drug use. Visit their website to find out about meetings in your neighborhood, or look for it in the Yellow Pages under "alcoholism."

3. Look after yourself. In other words, think about your needs. Get involved with activities you enjoy - clubs, sports, things you that make you feel good about yourself. Maybe it's not a school activity - maybe you like to laugh with friends, or just go out and have fun!

If I talk to someone else about my problems, will my parent get in trouble?
The most important thing is for you to stay safe. There is no guarantee that talking to an adult (family member, guidance counselor, teacher) will not have consequences—but that should not stop you from sharing your concerns. It's important that you get the support you need to live a happy, healthy life. In addition, talking to an adult may help your mom or dad to get the help they need.

Remember:

You didn't Cause it,

You Can't Control it,

You Can't Cure it.

 Questions? Talk to an expert. Send a confidential email to the Phoenix House team today. Click here.




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